Voids got bigger

I feel like I'm back to 2008, still living my meaningless life through games and pornography and doing nothing throughout the days.
All the emptiness kicks in again... Just that this kind it's ten-folded.
Wasting every single day, living like a dead, like a spiritual zombie.
Even though I found an angel that did heal my heart, but if I continue to be such a bum, I'm gonna lose her too. Like how I lost the woman I used to love so so much.......

This is not the kind of life I'd want to live again, and this isn't what I signed up for in 2010.
Told myself at the end of 2009 that my life would be changed in 2010, I'm either gonna get one last shot at the work-permit in Singapore, or work in my STUPID country, or (maybe) just go to Thailand.
The (maybe) worked out... For awhile... One and a half years in Thailand, great experiences... But now I have to come back...
This "test" in Singapore is really void-ing me out.

I didn't sign up for this...

我爱他

他的輕狂留在 某一節車廂
地下鐵裡的風 比回憶還重
整座城市一直等著我
有一段感情還在漂泊

對他唯一遺憾 是分手那天
我奔騰的眼淚 都停不下來
若那一刻重來 我不哭
讓他知道我可以很好

*我愛他 轟轟烈烈最瘋狂
我的夢 狠狠碎過卻不會忘
曾為他 相信明天就是未來
情節有多壞 都不肯醒來

我愛他 跌跌撞撞到絕望
我的心 深深傷過卻不會忘
我和他 不再屬於這個地方
轉載來自
最初的天堂 最終的荒唐*

如果還有遺憾 又怎麼樣呢
傷了痛了懂了 就能好了嗎
曾經依靠彼此的肩膀
如今各自在人海流浪

我愛他 轟轟烈烈最瘋狂
我的夢 狠狠碎過卻不會忘
逃不開 愛越深越互相傷害
越深的依賴 越多的空白
該怎麼去愛

如果還有遺憾 是分手那天
我奔騰的眼淚 都停不下來
若那一刻重來 我不哭
讓他知道我可以很好

Like a Soldier

I'm supposed to be the soldier who never blow his composure
Even though I hold the weight of the whole world on my shoulder
I ain't supposed to show it, my crew ain't supposed to know it
Even though it means going toe-to-toe with devil it don't matter
I'd never drag them to battles that I can handle
Unless I absolutely have to I'm supposed to set an example
I need to be the leader, my crew looks for me to guide 'em
Even if something ever does pop off, I'm supposed to be beside 'em
But there's this negativeness that I'd tried to squash it, it was too late to stop it
There's a certain line you just don't cross and I crossed it
I heard it says negative things and I just lost it
It was crazy, this sickness went way beyond some primary and secondary school's depressions
And even though the battle was won, I feel like I've lost it
I spent too much energy on it, honestly I'm exhausted
And I'm so caught in it I feel like I'm the only one who caused it
This ain't what I'm in Christianity for, it's not why I got in it
It was never my objective for someone to get hurt
Why would I wanna destroy something I help build?
It wasn't my intentions, my intentions was good
I went through my whole relationship without ever thinking of no.2
And that was just out of respect for not being a jerk
And promising about something that I knew nothing about
Plus Pastors told me stay out, this just wasn't what I can decieded
So I did, I just fell back, prayed and gritted my teeth
While until one day, I met this angel who literally saved my life
Like "WOW!" I didn't knew I could ever come back alive!
And this thing isn't just my imagination
But still knowing this thing could pop off at any minute cause.....

Cling to You

Lord, I'd like to start by saying I could hate where I'm at...
When this life I've sinned, and situation take me aback...
And when I tried so hard but it seems that I could never taken a step
To come back to You, Lord, I'm sick and tired of all of these crap...

Slip out the back

I'm no hero, you remember how I was, you know
All I ever did was worry, feeling out of control
To the point where everything was going end over end
I'm spinning around in circles again
This is where you come in
All of this to explain to you why
I had to separate myself away from yesterday's life
Please remember this isn't how I hoped it would be
But I had to protect you from me
Thats why I slipped out the back before you knew I was there
I know you felt unprepared
But every single time I was around I just bring you down
And I could tell that it was time to be scared
Thats why I slipped out the back before you knew I was there
And I know the way I left wasn't fair
I didn't want to be around just to bring you down
I'm not a hero but don't think I didn't care

Unworthy

Angel or firework...
I don't deserve any of them.

The smell...

Does the smell on the forehead all the same?
Or was it because there's a special relationship between us that even our face, our forehead smells the same?
Sometimes when I smell my forehead, I smell her...
And when I smell her again... All the heartache returns... Each time it seems like 10-folded...

Lame story

Once there was a guy, who found his love, Miss A.
She was such a blessing to him, and they were in love.
But when Mr. Selfish came in, he destroyed EVERY SINGLE THING between them.
Be it promises, communications, memories, or love.
And that guy was made to not believe in love anymore because he was hurt by his own Mr. Selfish.
But one day he met Miss B.
Miss B lets him see the hope of being in love again.
But as the old saying goes, 'once bitten twice shy', he doesn't dare to hope so much for this again.
So now this is completely bullshit, and he is sick and tired of all these.
No matter how much he needs love and want to have love, he will never seems to be worthy for it because he is just a piece of shit.

The end.

Miss A, Miss B... Miss C is not here yet.

Miss A made his heart break, while Miss B makes his heart go fonder...

Inception - From happiness to sorrowful

What a way to start my day, with tears rolling down my pillow

I dreamt of B, then dreamt of A, they both can fill my heart's hollow

The dream of B is nice and sweet, but the dream with A is sorrow.

She hug and cuddle, she hug and cuddle, while my tears roll down my pillow.