You should die with your loneliness

Below is my exact prayer...

After this opened Job his mouth, and cursed his day.

² And Job spake, and said,

³ Let the day perish wherein I was born, and the night in which it was said, There is a man child conceived.

⁴ Let that day be darkness; let not God regard it from above, neither let the light shine upon it.

⁵ Let darkness and the shadow of death stain it; let a cloud dwell upon it; let the blackness of the day terrify it.

⁶ As for that night, let darkness seize upon it; let it not be joined unto the days of the year, let it not come into the number of the months.

⁷ Lo, let that night be solitary, let no joyful voice come therein.

⁸ Let them curse it that curse the day, who are ready to raise up their mourning.

⁹ Let the stars of the twilight thereof be dark; let it look for light, but have none; neither let it see the dawning of the day:

¹⁰ Because it shut not up the doors of my mother's womb, nor hid sorrow from mine eyes.

¹¹ Why died I not from the womb? why did I not give up the ghost when I came out of the belly?

¹² Why did the knees prevent me? or why the breasts that I should suck?

¹³ For now should I have lain still and been quiet, I should have slept: then had I been at rest,

¹⁴ With kings and counsellors of the earth, which build desolate places for themselves;

¹⁵ Or with princes that had gold, who filled their houses with silver:

¹⁶ Or as an hidden untimely birth I had not been; as infants which never saw light.

¹⁷ There the wicked cease from troubling; and there the weary be at rest.

¹⁸ There the prisoners rest together; they hear not the voice of the oppressor.

¹⁹ The small and great are there; and the servant is free from his master.

²⁰ Wherefore is light given to him that is in misery, and life unto the bitter in soul;

²¹ Which long for death, but it cometh not; and dig for it more than for hid treasures;

²² Which rejoice exceedingly, and are glad, when they can find the grave?

²³ Why is light given to a man whose way is hid, and whom God hath hedged in?

²⁴ For my sighing cometh before I eat, and my roarings are poured out like the waters.

²⁵ For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me.

²⁶ I was not in safety, neither had I rest, neither was I quiet; yet trouble came.

"Whoever you love are so pitiful and damned."

There she goes, finally admitting it.

Cursed be upon me... This useless trash...

"I love you".

Don't be fooling yourself.

You don't know love.

You can't love.

And that's your curse.

The ultra sad feeling is back...
Where I ruined all my happiness away again...
Tears come flowing around my eyes as she called...
Words got stuck at the throat and thoughts went blank...


I guess it's not me refusing to choose or open up for another relationship...
It's that I no longer deserve any other relationship than this failed one...

Wretched be onto me.

First love

The whole of our Christian life can so easily become obligation, duty, ritual, or religious works. We think we have to do these things to stay in good standing with God and the Church.
We do what we think we have to do to be good Christians.

Think about it, do you pray because you have to, or because you are so in love with Jesus that you will take every opportunity to talk to Him?

Do you come to church because you love being in His presence, being with the people of God, or because you feel like you should, to keep up appearances?

Do you worship God when you like the song or the worship leader, or because you are so in love with Jesus that every praise song is a love song to Him?

Do you serve God because you feel like you should, or because the greatest desire in your heart is to do those things that will cause Jesus to say, "Well done, good and faithful servant"?

Do you put in tithes and offerings because you are afraid not to, or because you are so excited about Jesus that you want the whole world to know?

These are good questions because they make us think about our motives, they reveal our hearts in regard to our love for Him.

我的期待慢慢變成無奈...

把溫暖放回口袋...

零

從來不相信我的世界可以有多完美　痛苦寂寞還有一些疲憊
不允許他人隨意進入我的零度空間　寧願孤獨懶得再去想誰
*
兩個人一起是否只是得到一種安慰　掙脫過去然後忘記一切
沒想過有天我的結局忽然全部改變　誰會抓住我的無力雙臂
怎麼會哭(誰錯誰對 為誰抱歉)
不會再哭(誰錯誰對 為誰憔悴)
走入零度空間等到一切分裂　就算愛的危險我們一起面對
來不及的防備沒聽過的誓言　要我怎麼學會多了愛的明天
*
走出零度空間終於一切分裂　就算愛的很累我卻不會後悔
放下所有防備一切都無所謂　逃出黑暗世界開始新的明天　新的明天**

幸福背后

 
那么暖…你的温度

安静的依偎着那

短暂幸福

爱就算满足

却是个未知数

我们的天长地久

要走多远才能看见

越是幸福越害怕

怕它会结束

越拥抱却越是孤独

没人了解的寂寞

我自己照顾

不想让你发现我

凌乱的脚步

我努力跟上你的速度

不再独自感受

那幸福背后藏的辛苦

那么快你的甜苦

应该让我的灰色

快乐全部

爱让人喜悦

就算会有变数

只要能拥有一秒

有多辛苦我愿付出

越是幸福越害怕

怕它会结束

越拥抱却越是孤独

没人了解的寂寞

我自己照顾

不想让你发现我

凌乱的脚步

我努力跟上你的速度

不再独自感受

那幸福背后藏的辛苦

สุภาษิต 14:13

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내 행복 돌아 올 것이다…